On the cusp

E.J. here.
Well, we leave tomorrow.
The laundry is just about all done, the packing is just about all done. The auto-pay is set up on all the bills, the shopping is (hopefully) done and an unbelievable amount of loose ends seem to be tied up.
And i find that this is a very surreal precipice to be standing on. There are so many unknowns looming and its funny to look back on everything that we have just walked away from. Its hard to explain the drive to go. I (we) have/had a very good life in Austin. I love my little house, the neighbors are nice, we live in a great location. I have in the past year, cultivate a golden era of the best, most entertaining, sincere and supportive cadre of friends that I have ever had. I had a good job, that I was not horrible at and to top it off, they pay me more than anyone else ever had. I've learned how to survive the summers in Texas without dying of heat stroke and coast through the modest winters. I've always got enough to eat and drink and we have netflix on the t.v.
All the makings for a pretty good life. So why walk away from all of that?
Well for starters, most of that will probably still be true when I get back. A few friends will have left Austin by the time we return, which I lament. And I might not get the same job back, which I accept. But as I plunge headlong into my late 30s, I can't help but feel that the window of opportunity for doing something huge and reckless like this is drawing to a close. Its not true. But it feels true. We can always drop everything and hop on a plane to Cambodia. Or Zimbabwe. But compared to going to the Czech Republic in 2000 or the Republic of Armenia in 2010, preparing for this trip has been soooo much harder. And it seems like these things will prove more and more difficult as I age. Not impossible. But more difficult. Not the sleeping on floors and cliff diving and hitchhiking (although those are not getting easier). But the tying up of the loose ends and getting of the affairs in the orders that they are supposed to get into. I feel like I am embedded in life a little deeper and it has been a lot of work to get ready to go. So in that sense, if we don't go now, then will we? Maybe not.
I have an elderly dog. Her name is Lilly. She is half bulldog and half boxer and she is going on 14. As I write this, she is chewing away at a kong that she will surely destroy. She wiggles when I walk in the room and she poops twice a day like clockwork. But its getting really hard for her to get up or get down or climb the three stairs into my mother's condo after a walk. I've had her for about 10 years and we're pretty well bonded to each other. I say this because I sit here, typing, and I know that leaving tomorrow, she may not be around when I get back. That's some serious life, right there. That's life happening to me. When I was in my mid 20s, I decided I wanted a dog and about a year later, I decided I might be responsible enough for a dog. I told myself that if I could keep a vegetable garden alive for a growing season, remember to water it every day, then I was responsible enough to take care of a dog. Which I feel was a pretty responsible decision in itself. I did, so I did and now here I am 10 years later with Lilly and I realize that my relationship with her was probably my transition into adulthood. Real, honest-to-God adulthood, where I am responsible for the care of another being.
Maggie and I talk about kids someday. Part of this trip is that you can't put off kids forever and so if we want kids someday and we want to do this (especially with Zika) then maybe you have to go and do this shit and get it over with before you have the kids.
So here I am on the cusp of this grand adventure and I'm thinking about the possibility of kids someday and I'm thinking about the imminent mortality of this wonderful little dog who has helped me become a responsible adult.
So yeah, I'm having some heavy thoughts today.

But all that heaviness aside, its been such an amazing time, getting to this cusp. The road trip was a singular experience, all the moreso because its been our "victory lap", where we got to see family and celebrate the fact that this lady said yes when I told her I wanted to spend the resto f my life with her. I got to see one of my best friends, 8 months pregnant and ready to bring a life of her own into this world.

We got to hang out with Mago's amazing sister in Brooklyn and hang out with my family on the South Shore of Boston.
I've eaten like a king for 2 weeks now. Lobster rolls and scallops wrapped in bacon. Louis CK once said that "It doesn't matter who the President is when there's bacon in your mouth" and while that may be true, its even more true when that bacon is wrapped around a scallop.

So yeah, I'm on the cusp. and its been wonderful getting here.
When I think about all of the things that might happen in the coming months, I feel dizzy with the possibilities. Goat farms and coffee plantations in the Andes. Chilean vineyards. Patagonia and Macchu Picchu. My head spins. So strangely, instead of surveying the landscape ahead of me, I find myself looking back on my life, from here on the cusp of the next chapter.

One of my favorite moments of this whole trip happened in New York. We went to the MET because Mago wanted to see some new installation on the roof and take in the skyline view from up there. She has the photos of that moment, so I'll leave them to here. But we walked through the Impressionists room and I got to see the Monets. And I find it a little strange, but Money is still my facorite. Ever since I went on a class trip to the Boston MFA in 7th grade and saw his paintings that first time. For some reason, my taste in art hasn't really gotten much more sophisticated in the 20 years since. Something about how he captures the essence of a thing my not using any of its details. I'm not an art historian. I just like what I like. But I was so happy to see those haystacks again.